And yet, despite all obstacles, and despite all things in this world which we are all confronted with in adversity, there is STILL hope – and boy, is that hope wonderful.
In other, slightly less fantastic news, I am cleansing today. Yesterday, I spent the majority of my free time organizing JT’s Imaginext sets to be photographed and then loaded onto Craigslist and, though I’m not done, I feel as if a huge burden is being excised from my chest in a very choppy, painful way. So today, I feel as if I should take a huge step back from this ridiculous life and reflect, and ultimately, cleanse.
The loss I feel over having a miscarriage is not gone, per say, but has been layered with a serious dose of thankfulness for what I already have. I think, on the most part, I’m as healed as I will get in that area. However, the guilt of the whole scenario, the oppressiveness of feeling inept at the ONE thing I should be inherently good at, has not gone away. So today, I shall work on that.
Also, in a sort of healing way, I am writing a story about the whole loss and the even more enthralling baby bonanza (catchy, huh? ). I think it’ll be an interesting way to make everything way more tangible. Though we may be getting close to a time when we may actually start trying, it still feels SO far off and so unattainable.
But perhaps I’ll have one of these deliciously fudge-y brownies I made.
(Maybe the process of creating this Craigslist listing will become Zen-like and I’ll enter a meditative state of higher consciousness. Or maybe I’ll just get a headache.)
there is still hope… and it is just that easy.