Zombies

In my head, I’d already put the idea of having a baby “on-hold” last night for many reasons. One of them is that I would like to have reduction surgery performed on my right breast – I have an asymmetrical deformity (ye gods, it’s a deformity you guys) that is largely noticable and could cause problems since I’ve decided to pump breast milk.

Another reason is that I really, desperately want to be in shape before/while/after I’m pregnant. I know that if I don’t get in the shape I want to be in before I’m pregnant, I won’t be able to get there after pregnancy.

There are also a slew of other reasons, a big one is my parents (being that they still provide financial aid and I am their dependent, they might be a bit miffed at the idea of supporting another mouth while I’m in college). Also, I am in college and I am a dependent, and having a child would sever the dependency bond and therefore make college dauntingly expensive.

So I spoke with Fil about this last night. What we really should do with the loan money. We worked it out that we’d look into financing reduction surgery as well as fitness/weight loss options along with car and bill payments.

We talked about how I would approach school so we could have a baby sooner. I’m going to speak with a counselor tomorrow about applying to nursing school at the end of summer term, even though I don’t have the pre-reqs necessary for enrollment in the program. I figure we can work something out since the nursing program is housed at the same place I plan on having counseling. Also, I will double up on courses, taking more than 12 hours and trying to fit in as much of my pre-reqs this coming fall semester. Probably squeezing in Anatomy + Phisology I & II in one semester – not to mention introduction to microbiology, and a math class that I may end up taking online.

It all sounds frenzied. I plan on a 5-6 month weightloss/fitness routine to get in shape for surgery in between the fall and spring semester. If I can’t make the winter break deadline, I’ll have to wait for spring break.

As for the finances I fretted about in an earlier post, that’s still a large issue. But if we still intend to go forward with cryo-sperm, we’ll have a decent nest egg (hey, we squirrelled away over $5,000 in items and initial bill pay for this apartment) to finance enough vials for two babies and two/three years of storage.

I feel that waiting will give us ample time to plan better, to get on pre-natal vitamins three months before we try, to stock up on OPKs, purchase a VIP FertilityFriend.com membership, have sperm waiting for the day a smiley face appears, etc. etc.

If I’m not out of nursing school in 1.5 years, we’ll start trying. But, I plan on getting some sort of job, part-time or whatever, in the medical field over next summer. JT will be old enough to care for himself a few hours during the day and it’ll prepare him for when I work full time as a nurse. It’ll give us the possibility of being free of my parents, finances-wise, and put a little extra padding in the bank for a nest egg.

It feels like I’ve thought it all out. Made appointments with my doctor for consults on surgery, nutrition, etc. I’m even going to visit a plastic surgeon with my mother in two weeks – hopefully this’ll be the guy to cut me open. I’ve even gone through my insurance to see if I can get the surgery covered – as long as a doctor perscribes it as a necessity, they’ll cover a portion of it.

But of course, there’s always something we’ve forgotten. A little aspect that we haven’t thought of. But I’m anxious and happy. I think, no, I know I’ll feel better after we take these steps, and we’ll be in a healthier environment in which to bring a child into the world. All of those wary feelings, that discomfort with the way things were proceeding, how fast they seemed to be going, just disappeared once we had a substantial plan.

Bad news though… our A/C is broken, and y’all, this is Texas. It’s 90 degrees IN our apartment. Ugh.