TTC… SRSLY?!

Everyone makes a New Year’s pact to do something… not eat greasy foods… not eat chocolate every day, only on Saturdays… stop drinking… stop smoking.

All good, valid resolutions with simple plans to keep them in effect.

This year I have the standard resolutions: get back in touch with my body, restore healthy eating habits, try exercises to return normal function of left ankle, etc.

But I have a few new ones.

Like, drink water at every meal. I do that now, but I mean at every meal. No more diet Pepsi or iced tea. Only water. Especially if we’re eating out. It will not only save us money but it will save my body, too.

Also, I won’t snack at work. Lately the early mornings and late nights have made me ravenous at 11 a.m. I was snacking on carby salty crackers and throwing back a Diet Dr. Pepper at noon, but no more. I will bring a sandwich and water bottle every day and eat only that.

Sort of a side resolution to that, I will eat breakfast every morning, even if it kills me. No diet/exercise schedule will work if I don’t eat at least 3 meals a day. It’s also really bad for my blood sugar that likes to plummet after a few hours of constant monotony.

And I will meditate… because 20 minutes a day helps keep the doctors AWAY.

I will talk to my doctor about my various health concerns. Namely, a possible thyroid problem, gas pains before ovulation and during my period and my damn hips. I will also see the dentist and have my wisdom teeth removed before they destroy my perfect orthodontics.

I will take care of myself in every way possible. I will only buy clothes that fit me right and that make me feel like I’m on top of the world. I will straighten my hair whenever I want because it makes me feel good. I won’t wear make up because I’m beautiful without it. And I will find a pair of pretty, comfortable flats to wear to work.

I will work hand in hand with Fil to help JT through therapy and medication so that he can get better, happier and healthier.

I will work on this relationship with Fil so that we are safe and sound and confident in ourselves as a couple. We will be the amazing couple we once were and I will help her kick cancer’s ass.**

I will keep thinking like we’re going to start TTC come next November and by then I will be serene and Earth Mother Goddess about it.

We will find our donor. He will be perfect and wonderful and beautiful and will be so much like Fil you’d never know the baby wasn’t part of her, and part of me.

(First we have to, you know, make FRIENDS in order to find that perfect, wonderful donor I talk about. How do we do that, huh?)

And on that TTC note, I will try to convince Fil to start a nest egg fund over the summer, since we’ll hopefully both be working.

On that working note, I will try very hard to be a valuable asset to this department. I will be so damn valuable that D, my boss, will want to make me full time and give me a raise and it.will.be.glorious.

Just wait and see. The new me? The NEWAtt is going to take the freakin’ world by storm.

** That totally includes WAY more sex than we are having now!

2008 Meme

In 14 hours and 15 minutes, 2008 as we know it is over. It will then transform into 2009 where all my financial, emotional, physical and familial woes will remain the same. But I’m hoping that this bleakness I’m feeling about the New Year will fade when I’m able to hold Fil at midnight and have that first 2009 kiss.

Right now I’m perhaps a little too panicked about money to think on resolutions or goals. Instead I give you this meme… on my year.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?

- started working at a real paying job

- straighten my hair (I’m running low on new experiences, here.)

- purchased an HDTV of my very own

 

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I didn’t make any, January last year was incredibly hectic, what with Fil’s injury getting worse by the day, her not working and JT being incredibly difficult to handle. If you go through my archives there’s at least one post for each month I’ve maintained this journal… except January 2008.

 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Beavis did! To my beautiful little niece. Also, loads of online gals! Oh, and my cousin’s girlfriend. I only mention that because my cousin and I used to be close when we were little, and I’m kind of proud of the dad he’s becoming.

 

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Not that I can remember. I tend to block out death.

 

5. What countries did you visit?

None. Thank you!

 

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

Financial stability, assurance that Fil is stable at work, a healthy Fil and a medicated, mentally healthy son.

 

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

February 14: Baby B was born

March 20: JT hit the double digits… I feel old

May 15: We move into our first apartment together!!

October 11: Fil is officially diagnosed with Stage 0 Bladder Cancer – which has no bumped up to Stage 1.

December 6: My very own 20^th birthday. No longer a teenager!

December 25: We have our first Christmas in our new and very own apartment. It is wonderful and memorable.

 

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting a job of my very own to start aleviating the financial burdens of my family.

 

9. What was your biggest failure?

In keeping the stress at bay and not let it affect my relationship with Fil and JT. Which it has.

 

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I sprained my ankle really bad at the end of school. It still hurts.

 

11. What was the best thing you bought?

JT’s AT-AT and Nerf gun. It sounds weird but the look on his face when he opened them was priceless. It was worth the amount and wait and difficulty. I’d buy it again if I had to!

 

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Mine: I sucked it up and got a job. I held down the house not once but twice while Fil recovered from surgeries and illnesses.

Fil: Even though she bitched and moaned her way through both surgeries and post-surgical medical leave, she kept her chin up and maintained some form of optimism, especially when I thought all was lost.

JT: He managed to over come some of his problems. At least he’s trying harder to control his rage.

 

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

B&M: During the last months we lived with them they were flippant and ignorant and took advantage of us. They continue to treat Buddha poorly, but I hope that their behaviors are changing with the year.

JT: While he shapped up towards the end of the year, he spent the majority of it being rotten, rude and ungreatful. I wasn’t depressed, but I sure was disappointed.

 

14. Where did most of your money go?

Bills, bills, rent, JT, food… the normal things…

 

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

MOVING. I was beyond pumped about that.

 

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

I don’t really connect songs with years… ever.

 

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? happier

b) thinner or fatter? I couldn’t say… probably the same, but importantly, healthier!

c) richer or poorer? POORER.

 

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Read, write and relax. I haven’t done those things, without you know, laundry or child rearing, in ages. Man, not since we lived in the trailor!

 

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Rushing to the hospital. We spent so much time in the ER we befriended one of the nurses and she knew us by name and sight.

 

20. How did you spend Christmas?

4 times… once with my mother’s father, step-mother and uncle on the 21^st for Mexican Fiestamas. Christmas Eve with Beavis, M and the girls. Christmas Day with my parents for a shockingly well executed brunch buffet. And the 27^th with my mother’s OTHER side (19 of us in total) for another Mexican Fiestamas.

 

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?

All over again with Fil.

 

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Survivor, and Top Chef.

 

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Nope, still hate and love the same people.

 

24. What was the best book you read?

Eat, Love, Pray by Elizabeth Gilbert

 

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Music of the Spheres by Mike Oldfield. It’s the only “classical” music Fil will listen to at night.

 

26. What did you want and get?

A Chi Iron and an updated phone.

 

27. What did you want and not get?

Mamma Mia! On DVD. Sounds silly, but I really didn’t want a lot this year…

 

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Hands down. WALL-E. Cutest, most heart-warming-ist film EVER.

 

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I went to brunch with my parents, got my pretty Chi Iron and new cell phone, and then went shopping for winter clothes for JT. Oh, and had a stupid argument with Fil in the middle of Wal-Mart. It was my 20^th birthday.

 

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Not being so damn poor and Fil not being so sick all the time.

 

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Increasingly girlier.

 

32. What kept you sane?

Books and reality T.V.

 

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Hmmm celebrity crushes. I didn’t really fancy anyone. Darn.

 

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Prop. 8, most definitely.

 

35. Who did you miss?

My best friend. She was in Santa Fe almost all year, and even when she was home I was almost too busy to see her!

 

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Little Miss Baby B, of course!

 

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

Life will fail you at the most inopportune moment.

 

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Sorry, I’m drawing a blank… eh.

Hooray!!!

Well, as is becoming a tradition over here at The Longest Road, this is another congratulatory post. This time for the wonderful girls at The Chronicles of Conception. Go over and wish Mr. Handsome himself, Lachlan Grae, a happy birthday!

These girls really deserve my eternal thanks. Tiff has had nothing but kind and caring words to offer, when I’m feeling low, or when I’m feeling high. I have no doubt that K, who seems to be nothing but wonderful, is just as kind and generous as her partner. They deserve the son they worked so hard for.

Congratulations girls!!!

All By Myself

Today is my first day on the job alone. For the past 2 weeks I have been steadily monitored (and trained, of course) by N, my trainer and cubical wall partner.

N is a truly wonderful trainer, and a good work buddy. I have no complaints about the other women – B, R and J – that I work with as they’re all incredibly friendly and wonderful.

But back to me being alone with… like, responsibilities.

While I’m thrilled to be left to my own devices – as I now have computer/e-mail/Oracle access – I’m still a bit verklempt at the idea of doing this without someone to reassure me that it’s okay. I’m sure I’ll survive. Especially since I don’t have too muchto do. Heh.

In other news, Christmas was wonderful. Since I’m currently at work I can’t post my favourite photos from the day, but I’ll get around to it… eventually. JT was spoiled, of course, by all grandparents, uncles, etc. Especially by my parents, who showered him with WWII paraphernalia (to our relief, at least he’ll learn things this break!) and the illusive Rubix Cube he so avidly sought. Hooray!

Fil and I agreed to wait until after the 1st to get each other presents. Financially it made sense, but also emotionally. We would get to treat eachother without worry about JT or our families. We’d probably be all dopey and make a whole day of it and just enjoy eachother without the stress of a very cranky 10 year old.

With all the joy of the season, we have been made starkly aware of JT’s inability to cope with his ADHD anymore. He is just an angry little kid, full-up of frustration and uninhibited anger. He flies off the rail when we give him simple tasks and pushes himself to extremes, even when he realises exactly what he’s doing. As parents we are pushed to our limits, scraped thin like too little butter. We have been patient, understanding and loving, while he continues to disrespect and be cruel to us. We’ve had enough and for our family’s sanity, we have to resolve this issue.

Fil’s making the appointment today.

Oh. And about Fil.

She has pneumonia (which, let me put out there, I told her she had) and probably another bladder infection. Her doctor thinks she has a mass on her kidney – possibly another cancerous tumour the ER missed – and plans to set her up for an MRI the second her medicaid goes through.  She’s being stubborn, but hurting, so she’s finally starting to cave a little and is making a doctor’s appointment.

In order to keep our head up during these times we’re thinking about next December. When everything will be okay.

God all I’m praying for is okay.

Coalmines

I figured that when I got internet access at work (which I did, finally, today) I would be able to surf the bloglines without the halting, seizure like page-load that my lovely home computer always manages to annoy me with. Perhaps post to my blog without a halitosis mouthed boy breathing down my neck, or an uber needy spouse Moto-Moto’ing it over the side of the couch “what’cha doin?” (if you’re at ALL into kids movies, see Madagascar 2, thus the reference you will soon get)

I didn’t realise that the internet there SUCKS as well.

But there was a gigantic silver lining to today’s cloud. Our financial burden that has continued to weigh heavily on our shoulders has eased a bit with a surprise gift from my lovely grandmother.

Breathing a sigh of relief has never felt so good.

I’ll post more post-holidays, I swear. Right now I feel like I’m being tugged in two directions (and one of those directions doesn’t intend to pay me until January 15. A-holes!!!)

No Red High Heels Here

I’ve never worked (for a paycheck) in my life.

Volunteer work is stressful, demanding, but all in all you’re rewarding your soul with the knowledge you helped.

But work is a whole new ball park.

My feet ache, toes pinched by shoes that are not QUITE wide enough or by shoes too wide they flop around. My ankle is swollen and so tender I can’t rest any weight on it, including the weight of my tiny little feet themselves.

And I am so tired, I come home praying that I will just be able to lay on the couch and nap for hours.

Never have I been so giddy with joy and excitement. While this job isn’t my chosen profession – I really do think I’d be best suited to work with children, thank you – I find a sense of peace in knowing I will be bringing home $10 every hour I toil away.

I am still a little worried about money, and finishing Christmas for JT. But right now I will relish in the fact that finally I am bringing something in. Whew.

No News?

The title of this post is a misnomer. I have a lot of news. And because I’m rushing around, trying to find my final project for math, I’m going to start with the bullets.

• Work is going really well. I’m still in the training stage, but it seems relatively easy. Plus, I get to see my father 3x a week, rather than every few weeks.
• JT is on vacation, which means I can just relax after work and not worry about helping him with homework for like, 2 hours every night.
• Fil got a huge dose of chemo on Wednesday, as well as a lot of Nexium, Cymbalta and pain medicine to hold her over until her next appointment in January.
• We’re almost done with Christmas … sadly we thought we were ahead of the curve when we got 90% of JT’s presents out of the way before Thanksgiving, but since money has been tight, the last 10% have had to wait until ALMOST Christmas Eve. Ah!
• Fil bumped into our potential donor again while dropping of papers at work. I completely forgot about him because Fil hasn’t been into work or seen him in months. I’m so excited that he’s still in the picture!

I guess not everything’s been good, though. My sore ankle has gone from sore to painful. It’s constantly tense, and it’s very hard to point my toes forward without a jolt of pain.

We’re missing a lot of ornament hooks from the bottom of our tree and we’re nervous our younger cat Isis has swallowed them. We’ll have to take her to the vet soon if we can’t find them by next week. Uh oh!

Now it’s off to shower and get ready to turn in for my early morning tomorrow.

Blog Maintenance

Strange how people tend to drop off the face of the earth here in blogland. Maintenance becomes an almost regular job now, trying to keep my blogroll tended to like a little rose garden.

But since 4 of my regular reads dropped off, I was a bit hesitant to delete them from my list. What if they come back? What if I miss out on some spectacular news that I was so eager to hear?

I’ve now come to grips with the fact that those 3 (since 1 was a repeat blog) will never show their shiny faces around blog-land again. Who knows what happened to make them turn away from the ever loving IVP, but old news is on the last page.

Since I decided to delete those untended blogs, I also decided to get my arse into gear and add on the new reads… mostly because I’m getting a bit tired of going to one blog and following THEIR link. (Gosh I sound SO lazy)

So anyway, to those I linked, consider yourself being read by yours truly.

(Also, I finally figured out how to make it snow. How fancy is that?)

No Witty Title

Ankle is still twisted and quite sore. My elbow is sporting a very purple bruise while my knee keeps popping and sliding from the impact. Oh, but the bruise on my face has faded into a red spot. That’s good.

I experienced the joy of crutches today, and now my armpits and wrists are so very, very sore. I had to take a math test on campus and at the thought of walking around, my ankle got really swollen and painful to the touch, so I hobbled about on crutches. I learned, however, that people are far friendlier to the helpless. Two people helped me in the elevators and I got lots of sympathy “clear the halls” gestures.

Tomorrow is my last class of the Fall semester. I am not sad to say goodbye to the friends I made. I know I will see the majority of them as I continue the painful journey into the nursing program. I am mostly excited about opening a new chapter in my life: working.

Oh yes, I am starting my new job at my father’s law firm (he’s not a lawyer, but he IS the firms manager) on Monday. I’ll be creating bankruptcy files for all of the tax payers who claim bankruptcy in Rou*nd Ro*ck School District. Fun, meticulous stuff. I’m so excited, and so nervous. I’ve never actually worked, outside of volunteering at the hospital. I know that the work is well suited to my disposition, as it also happens to be mostly computer work and making files, but what if I don’t LIKE my co-workers? And, worst of all… I don’t want to disappoint anyone.

Even more thrilling, tomorrow Fil and I are going to pick out some work clothes. I can’t wait to find some cute outfits so I feel more motivated throughout the day. Wish me luck!

Half-Month Review

First, thank you to Half a Dozen and Tiff for the birthday wishes. I appreciate it!

As for the gals over at The Chronicles of Conception AND at PLUMP, here are my big baby havin’ thoughts! Good luck, ladies!

Thanks to the lovely Calli, I have now been spurred to write my mid-month review of my favourite month, December. I feel that in 10 short days (as the next 5 days I will undoubtably be insanely busy) my life has taken several turns.

As Fil is napping and JT is doing his nightly reading, it’s a good time to get this out of the way.

The Ups:

• Peppermint ice cream
• My birthday (of course)
• Christmas movies – A Year Without Santa Claus is the current one playing through our daily lives.
• All our neighbours have put up their lights. Night is a spectacle of blinking porch displays now!
• IT SNOWED LAST NIGHT!
• Re-discovering Firebowl Cafe. Mm-mm-mmm.

The Downs

• It’s pretty cold, so my bones ache.
• I fell yesterday and sprained my ankle pretty bad.
• Fil needs back surgery.
• My childhood Christmas ornaments have gone missing.

The ankle is quite achy, if you were curious. But I’ll get over it (hopefully soon). I’m a lot happier about the fact that huge flakes of snow fell here in Aust!n last night. It was so utterly thrilling that I woke JT up from sleep to see the snow. It was wonderful.

Hoping for a white Christmas? Maybe?