Archive for the 'Big B' Category

A Lack of Voice

I have a horrible case of no-post-itis.

Mostly because I have nothing to say.

Until today, but sorry, it’s going to have to be thrown under a PW post, because it’s still highly sensitive in nature … plus, I don’t want to get any hopes about anything.. not now.

I can tell you that my son is wearing SIZE 32 WAIST JEANS (29 length, but they’re about 2 sizes too long still). Albiet, they’re about 1 size too big, when he tried on the 31s they fit him quite nice, if a bit snug at the gut, so we moved him up a size. My little man is not little any more. I can’t believe it. Every time I whip a pair of his pants out of the dryer I’m baffled at the size. He’s like a little can of corn, big through the waist and a little short. According to Fil, the men in her family grow slow. They hit puberty at the normal age (start slow at 10 and hit full force in middle school) but don’t level off in height until high school. So at least my Monster is going to be shorter than me for a little while longer. I’m going to cry when I have to ask him to bend his head down so I can kiss the very top. Oh, and when I have to use a stool to shave his head.

All of these kids are getting big. Big B is HUGE. I mean it, she’s over 50 lbs (remember, that’s how big Monster was when he was 8/9) and almost as tall as Monster is now (he’s about 4’8″). She’s going to be so tall, it’ll be ridiculous. She’ll also probably NOT look 12, meaning they’ll think she’s older than me. That will be fun.

I have some cute pictures from last weekend with Baby B, also a couple of shots from other times. I’ve been experimenting with Photo*shop and have had some decent results. I still want to get better aquainted before I start editing my photos willy nilly. Anyone have a good tutorial website?

** Oh, as a complete aside, I had total pregnancy nose without the pregnancy. Someone in our building was heating up beef taquitos in their microwave (it wasn’t our immediate wall-sharing neighbours because they weren’t home) and I could smell it like it was under my bed. It made me so nauseated I almost threw up a few times. But then Fil took me out for a midnight breakfast date and all was good.

The Long Stretch

** I will be posting a PW post after this one, so if you want the password, you know what to do. **

This weekend was wonderful… probably because it was the first one in months where we haven’t been scrambling helplessly for money to cover our expenses.

Fil got the refundon Friday. We also got Baby B from Nk’s place (we had her for Friday, Saturday and almost all of Sunday) and went to Wal*mart for all the “needs”.

We spent the majority of the weekend out of the house. Baby B is holed up inside that tiny trailer all day and rarely gets to go on adventures, so against better judgement, we took on a ton of errands. We knew it was best because if we waited we’d run out of everything and then we’d have to take Monster and there is a reason I call him Monster.

All Friday was spent running from place to place buying way too much stuff. Well, it felt like too much. We got incredible deals and had lots of coupons so, that was okay I guess. We got a lot of cleaning, grooming and cat supplies, not to mention a lot of presents for Monster’s up-coming 11th birthday. We bought Baby B a new upright car seat (it was only $40 and we considered it Nk’s present) and a booster seat for when she’s with us, we also got new pants for Monster (his belly is just too big for his old ones!). Filand I got some cool stuff, too. She got Levi’s and rock shirts, I got sunglasses and perfume and we both treated ourselves to the B!ssle Little Green. We still haven’t even broken it out of the box, but I have a feeling that Fil is doing that right now. The best part of the whole day was paying off every one of our bills, including rent. We still have to pay our cable bill, but that’s only because it came in on Saturday.

Friday night was very, very hard. It was Baby B’s adjustment period and she was too over stimulated to even think about going down for the night. I was up with her ’til midnight rocking her, bouncing her, singing to her and laying her back down in her bed so she could drink her baba and get tired already. Every time I would try to slip away she would promptly get to her feet with a flurry of limbs and grip the side of the pack n’ play (we opted not to get her a bed yet, which was a good choice because that child held onto the railing and was able to keep an eye on us without actually following us) and scream for me until I came back in. But she finally passed out from exhaustion around 12:30 a.m. and I slipped away to relax.

Saturday was much the same, although Monster wasn’t with us as Nk and Mt took him for the weekend as that’s what Big B wanted for her birthday. They went off and did their thing while we went shopping, again. This time we got the rest of Monster’s presents (all but one), some new jeans for yours truly and silly things like socks without holes in them, bras without holes in them and a new belt for Monster.

She was much easier to put down that night, with a baba and her favorite classical music (all of the stuff on my iPod is incredibly soothing) and some dark alone time, she was out like a light at 9. So Fil and I rented an on-demand movie and got caught up on laundry. We also decided to get rid of our computers (laptop and desktop) in favor of a brand new computer. So Fil spent a lot of the night (’til 3 a.m.) fixing the older desktop while I cleaned up the laptop. Somewhere during the Property Shop on HGTV I passed out.

Sunday morning was like Saturdays, I woke up with Baby B at around 9 (she did wake up at 8 but I begged her for 45 more minutes, so she flopped back into her bed and played with her toys and yelled at herself until 8:45 on the nose when she popped back up and started yelling at me.) and I fed her some breakfast (toast with bread and honey) with apple juice. We watched Phineas and Ferb on Disney and played with toys until Fil woke up. We didn’t get to sell the computer stuff, so we just bought the new computer and I’m selling the old stuff today.

The new computer is quite nice and fancy with 4 GB of memory, a 500 GB hard drive and a 19″ LCD (energy star) monitor. Filwanted that specific computer because it was a much slimmer design and came with a HUGE 500 GB external hard drive and a free printer. We’re selling the printer on Cragislist since our newestKodak refurb works really well.

The night was very long, as Nk and Mt didn’t bring Monster home ’til 9 p.m. So we were left to feed Baby B dinner, her night snack and her twothree night babas. During her night snack she spilled juice all over herself, her booster seat, the chair it was on and the floor. Girl thought it was hilarious, meanwhile Fil’s scrubbing the floor with  soap and I’m running the drippy sticky baby to the bathroom for a bath. When Monster did get home he barely had any time to do anything but shower and play his game for 20 minutes.

My god it was a busy weekend. Baby B spent most of her time on my left hip or in the stroller. After this weekend I’ve decided that Bj*orn’s are a great invention and are a worthwhile invention. Baby B got so attached to me she would stand next to me, balancing against my side with one hand, while the other one tugged on my shirt or an errant lock of hair.

It was really hard to hand her off Sunday evening, and the entire night I kept glancing at the pack n’ play, thinking that there was a baby needing my attention. I felt like she was so happy, so comfortable that she just fit in and worked like a little cog in our family clock. She and her sister (Big B is sick) are going to be over at our place today, as Nkis getting the birthcontrol thing in her arm, so I’ll get to see both of them this afternoon (Nk is going to wait until later when I get home to unload the stroller in my back seat).

Protected: Where it Gets a bit Unsticky

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Protected: The Hardest Part is Here

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Day 18: Finally, about the zoo

Friday afternoon, after the tire explosion, we headed over to Nk’s house to pick up the girls. It was directly after 3 p.m. when Monster got home and settled. We were out of Nk’s house by 5:30 p.m. and at Sou*per Salad! a half hour later. We ate, and dealt with an awful woman who insulted us as lesbians and as parents. That was all kinds of drama.

After we got home we bathed the girls and then got them settled to make Kung Fu Panda rice crispie treats (big hit, I might add, albiet very messy) and eventually got to watch Tinkerbell. Such a cute movie.

Bathing Baby B

Bathing Baby B, notice the sweet potato gunk all over her face. Yeah, she just ate. Hence the huge gut.

So, Saturday we woke up early, at 6 a.m. to feed Baby B. She gave us 2 more hours of sleep and woke up starving at 8:48 a.m. (I know this because I set the alarm for 8:45 a.m. and she woke up exactly 3 minutes later). We fed her rice cereal with diced apples mixed in. She proceeded to die from sheer joy as she gummed the chunks of apples.

After we’d gotten the kids properly bundled we drove for what felt like forever to the Austin Zoo. Monster napped, Big B played her DS and Baby B fussed and cried and entertained herself alternately for 45 minutes.

Wow, I haven’t been to the zoo in ages. It was amazing. It was SO cold with the windchill factor and the trees everywhere. But the kids were so good, real troopers. They were alternately cranky, whiney or impatient quite rarely, which made the whole experience wonderful.

Monster made a wonderful lunch for us, he chopped onions for the sandwhices and everything. Not pictured are the tiny kosher dills, fruit snacks, rice kris*pie treats and gigantic water bottles. Oh, and some baby food for the baby.

Cuttin' Onions

Cuttin' some onions for our delicious sandwiches

But the zoo was wonderful, aside from the chilly weather and an occasionally fussy baby. We saw turtles, lemurs, a jaguar, cougars, monkeys of all kinds, a sheep, goats, a llama with funky teeth, lots of reptiles, tons of birds, random chickens and peacocks, pigs, lions, tigers and a bear, oh my! The monkeys broke my heart, some of them were giving me big sweet eyes and eeking softly like they wanted me to take them home with me. There were two who were in the rehab cages and they had no tails and mottled fur. Poor little ones.


Sad monkey all curled up alone.

Incredibly heart breaking.

The kids willingly posed for a picture in the trees while I fed Baby B, who was ravenous, of course.


Cute picture of the kiddos.Baby B lost her binkie once and that was traumatizing. She was starting to get very testy and we were stressing something fierce as everyone frantically retraced our steps, we had both kids on binkie watch, they scrambled over rocks and through brush to find that thing. Eventually we found the damn thing, by the jaguar habitat, and all was okay after a serious scrub down by the bathrooms.How Baby B looked during the whole trip, bundled up tightly in as much warmth as possible. After what felt like an eternity of searching, we wound up at the souvenirs, where much joy was had by all parties in picking out THINGS TO BUY. Nothing brings more joy to the heart of exhausted, freezing children than spending money. No.thing.Monster wearing a dog puppet hat. Cutie.


Big B posing with the infamous giant gorilla.


My handsom Fil wearing her adorable hat that has a shark on top and turns into a puppet.

Baby B was quite fussy for the rest of the night, refusing to go down when we told her to, listening to no reasoning and instead insisting on playing with her new toy. She didn’t nap well at the zoo, not until we got out of the wind into the gift shop where she promptly zonked out for the rest of the trip home. Once things finally settled down and we had dinner and everyone got bathed (except for us, of course) she finally got relaxed enough to go to sleep.


Baby B lovin' on her new giraffe.

Milk drunk

Baby B fast asleep with a very empty baba.

In all this mess, the kids had two cheapie presents that they fell in love with. These things that when you put them in the water, they grow 400x their original size. They grew alarmingly over the short time the girls were here, and after they left Monster’s pirate continued to grow. We’re not sure of the state of Big B’s pretty pink unicorn.


Big B with her growing unicorn and Monster's pirate.

Finally, I leave you with a video of utter cuteness that is bound to make your heart explode.

Yeah, I dressed her in a rainbow onesie to wear to the zoo. She totally hammed it up for the video. Heehee.

A few of my favorite things

Last Friday we kidnapped our nieces and brought them to our place. Baby B is so enormous and rolling around, mumbling ‘mamamamama’ over and over and cracking up. Buddha is so freakin’ big, she sounds like a grown up most of the time.

And yesterday we decided to be spontaneous and we got…

Yeah, we’re that couple.

Married, with Children

So, since like, 6 this evening, I’ve been writing letters to family members and friends. My godmothers, both sets of my maternal grandparents and my best friend. I updated them on how things were going and included Monster’s latest school picture.

I hate writing letters, though. I’m very anal retentive, and in every instance, if I messed up on one of the letters I had to erase it and re-write it. Very annoying in my opinion, but something I can’t stop myself from doing. It just feels wrong to send a letter to an elder that’s all scratched out and such.

On the health front. Monster and Big B both seem to be suffering from allergies. They’re snotty and itchy and coughing, but neither are spiking a temp or have viral symptoms and can hold down quite a lot of food. Also, their energy levels are through the roof, and everyone knows that illness will throw a spike into any kids gears. So they’re okay.

However, Mt continues to worsen. He’s so damn run down he’s going to bed at 9 and napping once he gets home from work. Nk is feeling the mild effects of whatever this is, but only coughing and boogers because she got a flu shot so she’s all fortified.

Now, poor Fil is sick. Her throat hurts, she’s really run down and appears to just keep getting worse. When I went to pick up Monster some food, we picked up throat spray to at least get rid of the sore throat, if nothing else. It came with a couple of cough drops, so that should get her through work.

It’s wonderful when you live in a house full of sick people *knocks on wood*.

On: My Goddaughter

So, today Beavis’ little brother BJ came over to go to a haunted house with the roommates. Also, Fil has work again. Alas.

The whole point of this post is to talk about my goddaughter.

Over the summer, as you all know, I raised Buddha. Actually, starting in February when Fil moved here, Buddha has kind of been our responsibility. Not so much in the beginning there, but increasingly it became apparent that, on weekends and such, Buddha was our responsibility.

I don’t mind it, you know, watching her and such. I missed out on a lot of JT’s childhood because I wasn’t physically there. I missed out on him learning how to write (which he’s still struggling with, legibility) and I missed out on reading and such. But I got a chance to do that with Buddha. I got a chance to teach her how to form all of the letters she couldn’t figure out on her own. I get to do extremely important things with her in these formative years. In fact, my current presence in her life has left such a startling impact on her. I look at her now and see more of me in her sometimes than her mother. She says and does things that only I do.

But as school has started, it’s become obvious that our roommates still rely on us to watch Buddha whenever they have the need to go out. I understand that there’s a difference between our kids and Buddha can’t be left alone like JT can. But they need to understand that we’re not live-in nannies. We have our own lives.

But, today I was asked by Beavis to watch Buddha while they went to the Haunted House. Fil lectured me about taking Buddha on as a responsibility, because we’re trying to … um … ween them of our help. Once we move out it won’t be “can you guys watch Buddha and Be (the new baby) while we go to dinner together?”

But I have this thing about abandonment. Growing up I wasn’t abandoned by my parents like in the conventional terms. But, I did get spend most of my time without my parents. My weekends were spent in solitary confinement in the house while my parents did construction. (My childhood home was under construction until we moved out when I was in 11th grade. That’s 11 years of work, people.) Summer vacations were particularly lonely when we moved into the house and my mom set up her salon adjacent to the house. Instead of spending days with my mom or dad at work, I was just left in the house until lunch and then again at 5.

It’s incredibly liberating and incredibly heartbreaking. I identify with Buddha more than anyone else in the house because I was there, too. I know very intimately how you cope with being sequestered in your room until it’s time to come out. The only difference is I was never locked in.

So now I over compensate for what Buddha’s been put through by paying close attention to her.

It has gotten bad, though. Buddha is very clingy to me. She comes running to me when she’s hungry, thirsty, hurt, scared, bored. She begs me to read her library books to her. She begs me to let her play my video games or watch TV with her. I’m the one tucking her in at night, switching off all the lights she leaves on, turning off the TV. Hell, the girl can’t sleep unless we’re home.

So this is where I am now. With a goddaughter who is very attached, a son who is insanely jealous of this female bond I share with her, and a wife who is desperately trying to make our roommates a functioning family.

What do I do!?


Almost a month ago, LesbianDad posted about a children’s ABC book called ABC A Family Alphabet Book. Ever since I read the post I wanted the book. Because Monster doesn’t understand that there are OTHER kids with two moms or kids with two dads. His idea of familial structure is that every kid should have a mom and a dad, and any other extra parent is a step parent. I wanted to steer him away from this. So this book was perfect.

Every time I would go to a book store with Fil and Monster, I would hunt through the children’s section, searching for this book. Barnes & Noble didn’t carry it, obviously. Border’s, nuh-uh. Even our local, wonderful book store Book People didn’t carry it. It wasn’t until today, when Fil and I exhausted our resources looking for the Melissa Etheridge autobiography that we found it.

Our final stop was BookWoman, the local pride lit shop. Even though we didn’t find the autobiography, we did find the ABC book. Lemme tell you, I was ecstatic. I’ve already shown it to Monster, read it twice to our goddaughter (who now points out “two daddies” and “two mommies” because before it never occurred to her that having two mommies or two daddies happened beyond her aunts) and cooed over the adorable images, pointing to which ones will be our children (“M is for Moon. In the summertime, we sit on the porch and look at the moon” that’ll be our boy in his super hero costume) and which ones we were. I also purchased Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert because I’ve heard it’s pretty good. I like it so far.

Now to the title of my post. I STINK! is a book about a garbage truck. It has a wonderful ABC motif in the middle (alphabet soup) and some pretty hilarious bits. Fil saw it and could NOT put it down at BookWoman, so yes, we had to get it. We have no excuse, Fil just wanted it. Now she’s read it to me twice, read it to Monster and read it to Big B. I have a feeling that I Stink, ABC A Family Alphabet Book and the Pigeon series (if you’re clueless as to what I’m talking about, look up “PIGEON” in the category “BOOKS” and you will be presented with a plethora of pigeon books) will be a staple in our little children’s lives.

I really love reading books aloud, especially to children because they point and get unbelievably excited about the pictures. But Monster is too old to be read to. He’ll sit through a chapter of BFG (which we finished finally) before he’s bored to death or asleep. And I can’t really read to Buddha or her parents feel like I’m parenting her. I guess we just need to have a baby so I can read to it. Hah.

Step Mom Thing

It’s so hard being the step mom. 90% of the things Monser is used to, rule-wise, I have no clue about. Fil just neglects to inform me on these things and expects me to know them and integrate them into my ideas of parenting.

The other day we got into a huge argument over basic beliefs. I don’t think Monster should be allowed his own laptop until is older. He will only ever use it to play computer games and I’m sorry but his first response when something doesn’t work is to hit it. That’s how he broke our first Nerf controller, he got frustrated and ripped the hand-grip almost completely off.

Sure, the laptop in question is aged to probably 10 years, so it won’t be a big loss if it breaks, but that doesn’t teach him anything. He’s NINE. He’s 9. I don’t think he’s ready.

And that has Fil calling me a hypocrite in the WalMart and making me cry in the gospel section.

Being the “step” mom sucks. Because, no matter how much Fil insists that we’re both his parents, I didn’t raise him for 9 years. I don’t know him like that. I didn’t influence his characteristics, or his likes/dislikes. I am just his step-mom, to him. I don’t discipline, I don’t do anything in an authoritative manner because I just simply can’t. I feel that every step parent senses that invisible barrier.

And it makes me freakishly nervous about having more children. I’m going to put my foot down with them, I’m going to enforce my beliefs more often and say “no” to Fil more.

Our roommate is about to encounter this same problem with her fiance. They’re pregnant, about 4 months now,  and while he’s the step dad to Big B (her daughter), he won’t be to this child. She’s coming to realise that things will change drastically when their child is born. He won’t back down and walk away from an argument like he does about Big B.

It’s a hard ball to juggle, being a “step” parent even when you’re not supposed to be. It’s probably hard for them, giving up some of their responsibilities. But Fil is so resistant to sharing the reins that I feel like I’m just a nanny, sometimes.


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